Caroline, Hazel and Callisa met while their children were attending our art therapy sessions to help them manage the grief of losing a loved one. Each week, the children took part in creative activities and learned how to understand their emotions, while their mothers formed a close bond that has helped them with their own feelings and grief too.
Thanks to a grant from Children in Need, we’ve been able to employ an art therapist, Karen (pictured right), to work with us one day a week. Karen offers art therapy sessions to children who are struggling with the loss of a loved one at the Hospice.
Caroline’s son, Hudson (aged 10), felt very anxious after the death of his grandmother. Hazel’s son, Riley (11), also lost his grandmother, and was experiencing a series of big changes in his life. Callisa’s daughter, Bella (9), was feeling a lot of anger because of her dad’s terminal illness.
During the sessions the children learnt how to process their grief by taking part in art projects using a range of different materials, such as paints, clay, sand and collage. Meanwhile, their mothers bonded over feeling overwhelmed at trying to cope with their own grief and powerless to help their children navigate such difficult feelings.
Changing behaviour
“He would get anxious about going to school, and particularly being away from me, because he was concerned about me dying.”
Caroline: After Nanny died, Hudson was very, very tearful. He would get anxious about going to school, and particularly being away from me, because he was concerned about me dying. He’d want to know where I was going and what I was doing.
Hazel: We were told about art therapy when my mother-in-law was in the Hospice. But it was only when Riley started having outbursts at school that I followed it up. He’d gone up to middle school, myself and my husband had split up in the summer, and he’d also lost Granny. So it was multiple things. It all added up as to why he started having these meltdowns and not coping with his emotions. Riley was there when the ambulance was called for Granny and he’d seen her really ill.
Worrying times
“I’ve experienced a lot of death in my life, but I didn’t know how to help steer my baby through that. “
Callisa: The school helped me contact the Hospice because Bella wasn’t coping. The waiting game of her dad dying has been a massive rollercoaster for her. She bottled things up and was crying herself to sleep most nights. She was getting very angry over little things, which was so out of character.
She was dead set against having therapy. But she’s art mad. She has clays, play doh, paints, chalks, charcoals, different coloured paper, different textures. So the minute I said it was art therapy, she was like, ‘Can I go?’
I was in such a dark place at that point. I didn’t know what I was doing. I’ve experienced a lot of death in my life, but I didn’t know how to help steer my baby through that. Nothing I seemed to do or say made it any better. In fact, in most cases it made it worse. The art therapy with Karen changed all of that. Karen is really amazing.
Immediate improvement
“Karen had some play sand and Riley found that it really helped him.”
Hazel: I think Riley was looking forward to starting art therapy because he wanted a way of learning how to manage his emotions. There would just be a trigger that upset him. It could have been anything. Even just someone moving a chair wrong. And this volcano would erupt in him.
Through coming to therapy he learnt that it’s fine to have those feelings and have a volcano that erupts. It’s what happens after that and how you deal with it and how you get calm feelings back. For him, the volcano was a really good analogy.
Right from the first session, Karen had some play sand and Riley found that it really helped him. He said to me, ‘If I feel like my volcano’s erupting, I can sit and build something with this sand. I feel calm after doing it.’
Becoming friends
“Sitting in the room next door, we could talk and share that none of us have all the answers.”
Caroline: When I think about what we’re like as three individual people, under normal circumstances our paths might not have crossed. We’re all very different people from different walks of life. I took a book to my first session thinking that the other parents might not want to talk. Very quickly we started talking and realised we had very similar experiences as families.
Sometimes we’d cry with each other, but it was a safe space to be really upset and say, ‘actually this is really tough at the minute’. And sometimes we just laughed so much.
Hazel: It was great for the kids to be in a group because they could share their feelings on the same level with each other. They really felt close and would look forward to that weekly session. It was such a positive experience for them.
And as parents sitting in the room next door, we could talk and share that none of us have all the answers.
A mental toolbox
“The anxiety levels just dropped and I know that was definitely because of the help he was getting from the Hospice.”
Caroline: Each session there was an improvement for Hudson. The anxiety levels just dropped and I know that was definitely because of the help he was getting from the Hospice. It’s like a little mental toolbox that they’ve been given. That when they have a wobble, not to hide from it, but to embrace it and do the little things that help them get through that wobble and come out the other side.
The kids made memory boxes for their lost relative, which they brought home after their last session. When Riley’s having a rough day, I can hear him getting the box out of his wardrobe to look through it. Sometimes he’ll have a bit of a cry. But he can look at that with fond memories now, as opposed to just the sadness.
“I can’t put into words the difference that this therapy has made to us.”
Callisa: Karen taught our children how to manage their pain. Bella is controlling herself so much better. And she’s having way more happier moments than sad moments. I think that’s massively to do with the therapy she’s had. She’s so much more rounded.
When I started coming here, I was a mess because Bella was a mess. It was destroying me, watching my baby go through that. When you see your child hurting, it’s so raw. I’m a lot stronger now. I can’t put into words the difference that this therapy has made to us. Karen has taught Bella how to be OK, and that’s something I wasn’t managing.
All of the art pictured in this article was created by children who have attended our art therapy sessions and we’re grateful for their permission to share these with you.
