Laura’s mum, Carol, was cared for over many months by our In-Patient Unit and Willen at Home teams, before passing away in January 2019. Laura and her family were determined to make her mum’s last Christmas one to remember.
Laura was kind enough to allow us to share her story with BBC News online, to help raise awareness of the care we provide at the Hospice over Christmas for local patients and their families.
My mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer in May 2018. Within weeks we were told the devastating news that it had spread and was terminal. Mum was given a prognosis of 3-6 months without treatment and maybe 12-18 months with treatment. She tried chemotherapy, but made the decision to stop and enjoy spending any time she had left with her family.
Afraid and unsure
We had heard of the Hospice before, but never really knew what they did and didn’t realise the true impact they would have on our lives. Mum went to stay in the Hospice’s In-Patient Unit to help her manage her symptoms.
I remember turning up at Willen that very first time and feeling so afraid and unsure of what I was about to face, but the moment I stepped in I was made to feel at ease. The staff were so amazing and helpful to our family, and I knew they would take good care of my mum.
A second home
For the next six months, Willen would become our second home. After a few weeks, Mum was able to go home but it wouldn’t be long before she was back again. I remember us watching the World Cup in her room. Nothing was ever too much trouble for the staff, even when Mum somehow managed to flood her wet room! I remember the rooms Mum had so clearly, and the lakeside views. It was so beautiful and I spent a lot of time walking around the grounds listening to music to clear my mind.
Each time we left, the Hospice staff reassured us that they were there to help with anything we needed. Over the months we became aware of Willen at Home and began to lean on them for support and guidance. Before long, Mum started to deteriorate and was back in for another stay, this time at Christmas.
Family Christmas traditions
As a family, we loved Christmas, Mum especially, and always had our own traditions. One of them was that on Christmas Eve we would wear elf pyjamas and get a takeaway. We were all adults, but we still carried this on and were determined to continue it for Mum.
So on Christmas Eve, me and one of my sisters turned up at the Hospice in our Christmas pyjamas and walked down the corridor with bells attached to our slippers! The staff found this funny and it made things feel a little better. More family turned up and we exchanged gifts. We had a great day. Looking back at photos now, I can see how much Mum was deteriorating, but I knew she wanted to keep going.
Cherishing every moment
We spent Christmas Day at the Hospice and the lovely chefs made us our own three-course Christmas Day meal. We sat around Mum’s bedside whilst she slept. Just being able to be together and cherishing every moment meant the world to us.
Over the next week we spent pretty much every hour there, taking it in turns to stay overnight. Staff were always there to lend a hand, offer food or drink, lend an ear when needed and most importantly take care of Mum to ensure she was as pain-free as possible.
Nearing the end
I still remember the day before she passed away so clearly. Mum had come home, so we were all at my parents’ house and one of my sisters had made a roast. Mum loved a roast and was the best at making them. Time passed and she still wasn’t awake. This was starting to become normal for her, but we knew a rough timeframe for when she’d wake up. But this day she hadn’t woken up much and when she did it was only for minutes at a time. I knew in my heart something felt different and that I needed to stay overnight.
When Mum briefly woke up, she would cry with pain. We called the out-of-hours doctor late that night, but by the time he’d come out, she was asleep again. I remember the doctor’s concerned expression and how he put a comforting hand on my dad’s shoulder as he left. We stayed up all through the night, with my dad making bacon sandwiches for everyone at 4am. In the morning we called Willen at Home and the nurses came to check Mum over. You could tell they knew the end was near and they explained that it was best for Mum to go back into the Hospice.
Suddenly everything changed
Although we knew in our gut it was time, we were confused as Mum was up talking to us and getting herself changed into new pyjamas – a big contrast from the day before. I still remember her asking me to hold her hand while they gave her an injection. We began to get ready while we waited for the ambulance to arrive, then suddenly everything changed. Mum passed away quickly at home, eight months after her diagnosis.
The next hours, days and months became a blur. A few hours after she’d passed, we had a phone call from the Hospice passing on their condolences and asking if there was anything we needed. A while later, the two lovely nurses who had visited early in the morning came back to the house to see if they could assist in any way. Even after Mum’s passing, they continued to help with any questions we had and told us about bereavement counselling.
Forever grateful
As a family, we’ll forever be grateful to the Hospice and understand just how much their service is needed. No words can ever express our love and thanks. Staff were always there when we needed them, with smiles on their faces. They provided us with so much care and compassion. Myself and my family wouldn’t have gotten through one of the most difficult times of our lives without their love and support. I truly believe that’s what gave Mum the strength to continue fighting for as long as she did.
When a nurse asked Mum what she wanted to do with the time she had left, she replied, ‘Just spend time with my family.’ And that’s exactly what Willen allowed us to do.
