Davida cares for her husband, Jake, who has cerebral palsy. In 2023 Davida saved Jake’s life by performing CPR after he had a cardiac arrest at home. For the last year she’s been attending activities run by our Therapeutic and Wellbeing team, which help her relax and cope with the pressures of being a carer.
English is a third language for me. Albanian is my mother tongue and I also speak Italian. I lived in Italy and that’s where I met Jake, through a friend. After I met him, it changed everything! Ten years ago we moved to England together. I feel I’m British now.
“I’ve always been my husband’s carer”
My husband has had a disability for all the time we’ve known each other. I have a disability too, but his is more serious. He has cerebral palsy and epilepsy, so I’ve always been his carer.
A bad accident
About three years ago, he had an accident at work and fractured his hip. Because of his cerebral palsy, his recovery in hospital was really, really long and hard. After he was finally discharged from hospital, he was advised to start to bear weight and do physiotherapy.
“He was all blue, no pulse, no breath.”
We had been doing some exercises one day and he collapsed onto the walking frame and went into cardiac arrest. He was all blue, no pulse, no breath. Oh my goodness. So I had to lie him down. I don’t know how I managed because he’s heavier than me. But I did. And I started CPR.
Life-saving actions
I’m an ex-nurse and for that reason I was able to save my husband’s life. I did not think anything; I just jumped straight away into CPR. Because I saw that his life was in danger. For about three to five minutes he didn’t respond. Then he said, “Ow, you’re hurting my chest.” I said, “Thank god I’m hurting your chest!”
“I just jumped straight away into CPR.”
It was traumatic. Later I remember seeing the cardiologist after he had looked at Jake’s scans. Jake being in hospital for so long and not moving had caused a blood clot, which moved from his fracture to his heart and caused a large coronary embolism. The cardiologist showed me the images of Jake’s heart and said, “You didn’t just save his life; you saved his heart because you acted so fast.” Jake’s heart didn’t have any big damage.
I did what I was trained to do, but I still remember the adrenaline burning my skin. It seemed I was on fire; I can still feel it today.
Struggling and exhausted
A year passed and community NHS teams were coming out to us. Jake had started walking, but we were struggling and I was exhausted. I was barely keeping things together. During a hospital appointment, one of the consultants said, “Have you spoken to Willen Hospice? Because they offer support and drop-in sessions.” We didn’t know what Willen Hospice would provide. We just knew the stereotype – that Willen Hospice deal with end of life. In our knowledge, it was just that.
“… when your health gets affected, the care you give is affected too.”
When we went to the Hospice, straight away they said, “We support Jake but we support you too, as his carer. We offer yoga, relaxation, reiki, massage and other activities.” That saved me because I was cracking up. It was affecting my health, and when your health gets affected, the care you give is affected too.
Coping without a support network
It’s really hard because Jake has complex needs. I don’t have a support network of friends and family. I can’t leave Jake at home on his own because he developed panic attacks after his cardiac arrest, and he’s at risk of falls. But also, I don’t want to leave him because I had to perform CPR on him and that memory has become a trauma. I have to deal with a lot of appointments and managing the house. Sometimes we pass up going to family events because I’m so exhausted.
“But when I go to the Hospice, I relax.”
But when I go to the Hospice, I relax. I do yoga and other groups. It just releases all that weight that I carry on my shoulders all the time. And meanwhile, it’s helping me with my strength and my physical needs. Jake does exercise class to help with his mobility. And he’s doing yoga every week. I’m not afraid to leave him at the Hospice, so I can go and walk round the lake or do an activity session myself.
Healing support
Being a carer, it’s really hard to find some time for yourself. Everybody tells you, “Oh, you should care about yourself”, but it’s not easy when you don’t have a support network. And being my husband’s carer, I’ve developed a kind of attachment. Now it’s almost a year of us having support and help from the Hospice. It’s just perfect. They do a good job.
“… all of these things at the Hospice – I think in some way healed me.”
I went through a lot, and all of these things at the Hospice – the relaxation therapy, reiki, massage and yoga – I think in some way healed me. Because I was at the point of breakdown. I was left all on my own and I didn’t know what to do. Willen Hospice saved my life.
They also put me in contact with other people – socialising with other people and talking in groups. When I’m at home, it’s just me and my husband. Jake feels the same because he was really lacking confidence to go out. He enjoys going to activities at the Hospice.
Positive impact
I think Willen Hospice has had a big positive impact in both our lives: Jake’s and mine.
“Thank God this place exists for me.”
I’m just glad that the Hospice is there for people who need it, because there are people out there, like me, who are really struggling sometimes. Thank God this place exists for me.
