Back in January, we introduced you to Lindsey. She’ll soon be running the London Marathon for us, in memory of her mum, Hilary (pictured), who died in our In-Patient Unit in January 2024. As a born and bred Londoner who moved to Bletchley in the early 1960s, Hilary loved watching the marathon on television. So Lindsey was determined to get a place this year and raise as much money as possible to fund the care and support we provide for local families, just like hers.
When I found out I’d been lucky enough to get a marathon place through the Hospice, I cried. I was just so excited because Mum used to sit and watch it on tv every year. She was from London, so she’d tell stories about going out to Ronnie Scott’s jazz club and coming back on a milk float at 5 o clock in the morning! London was massive for her, so she loved following the race and seeing all of the iconic places she remembered.
“When you need it the most, [the Hospice’s care] is like winning the lottery.”
I was born in Bletchley and my family have always been supporters of the Hospice. We’d never used any of the services though. Having now seen and received that care, it’s unbelievable. When you need it the most, it’s like winning the lottery.
Care became difficult
In December 2023 my mum had a stroke and as part of her assessment was also diagnosed with vascular dementia. She’d virtually lost the ability to speak and, with her memory so poor, her care became very difficult. She got several infections and on New Year’s Eve the hospital advised me, my dad and my brother that Mum needed palliative care.
We chose the option of Willen Hospice, and on 2 January my brother got the phone call to say there was a bed available. Mum arrived at the Hospice the same day. My brother and I took turns sleeping in her room, because we didn’t want her to be on her own when she died. Dad is 82, so it was difficult for him to stay.
Like a home
For us, the Hospice was amazing because we’re a really close family and we could all be in Mum’s room together. We sat chatting and my nephew said to me, ‘The stories you and Grandad have told about your experiences, and all of the things that you did as kids, it’s just amazing. I know it sounds inappropriate, but this has been one of the best days of my life.’ It was just so lovely.
“Everybody is made to feel welcome and nothing’s too much trouble.”
That’s the difference – the hospice is like a home. The nurses must see so many patients and families coming in, but everybody is made to feel welcome and nothing’s too much trouble. They must do this time and time again, but it doesn’t feel like that when you’re on the receiving end.
Slowly Mum was less conscious and less able to communicate, but the nurses were telling us exactly what was happening. We knew she wasn’t in any pain. If we had any questions or if Mum’s breathing would change, a nurse would come in and reassure us.
Final goodbyes
“If you could have the perfect death, then Mum absolutely had that.”
By 6 January my brother and I were exhausted. I said, ‘Mum, you’re OK to go now. You’ve seen everybody. We are going to be OK.’ We left Dad with Mum at about 7.30pm to go home and get some sleep. At 9.30pm my dad rang me to say Mum had gone. I’m convinced that she’d waited until we’d left. Dad was just holding Mum’s hand and talking to her about their life together. The nurse came into the room as soon as Dad called out for her, so he wasn’t on his own. Some of the kids came back with us and we sat in Mum’s room until nearly midnight. Then we said our final goodbyes.
If you could have the perfect death, then Mum absolutely had that – right from the moment she arrived at the Hospice, to the very end. She definitely would have wanted to be at the Hospice and that was a great final wish. Dad said she just took one last deep breath and a sigh, then she was gone. As if to say, ‘Right, that’s it. Thanks very much.’
Paying it forward
“I support the Hospice because it’s on my doorstep and I didn’t know that I needed it.”
The Hospice touches so many people’s lives. Everybody you speak to knows somebody who has been in the Hospice. It’s a huge part of the community.
I support the Hospice because it’s on my doorstep and I didn’t know that I needed it. But then when we did need it, as a family, we were lucky enough to be able to get a place for Mum. It’s that ‘pay it forward’ piece, around making sure your community has what it needs to support everyone. If you don’t pay into that and help support it, it’s not going to be there.
